I hate you in the theater, too

I recently went to the movies, something that I love. Now, knowing as you well enough should by now having read my previous posts, people annoy me to no end. Especially in confined areas such as a theater. You have the people who arrive late to a crowded theater and can't find their friends or enough seats to accomodate them, so they interrupt the previews to ask you to scoot down a seat to make room. There are the people who talk throughout the film. There are the seat kickers whom are my personal favorites. And then there are the seat-savers, which brings me to point of this entry.

Now, we've all done the old "you go and get popcorn and I'll get the seats" thing. It was even made into a Seinfeld episode... "TAKEN! SEAT'S TAKEN!" screams Elaine at all the people trying to take up the seats she so kindly saved. In the end she has to give up her plight because, c'mon, nobody is supposed to save more than one, two at the most, seats. What happened during my recent movie visit was worse.

It was a crowded theater. Eric and I got there early enough to get our favorite kind of seats. On the aisle, behind short people so I can see the screen. Perfect. Next to me, there are three seats with coats strewn upon them. The theater continues to fill up. Usually Eric likes to put his large coats on the seats next to us b/c he's a big guy and it is hard for him to drape his coat over the back of his seat (I know, I tell him it's not cool!). This time, he did me a favor and placed it on the floor next to his seat, kind of in the aisle, but at least it wasn't occupying a seat. Yes, a few people stumbled over it, but I felt I had won the battle since he wasn't technically breaking the "no coats on seat" rule of etiquette that I staunchly believe in.

It's about 20 minutes after we had arrived (the movie has not yet started) and Eric and I are now wondering whose coats are taking up the seats next to us. People are getting desperate as there aren't many seats left. Finally a couple of older women come and ask us if the coats next to us are ours. We say no, everybody else says no, so we stand to let them by, they move the coats and take two seats, leaving two free. Of course, you know what happens next. Two people come with arms full of popcorn and cola push past us and go to the coat-inhabited seats. They tell the women that they had saved all three seats and that the one woman is now sitting in their other seat. The woman fights back. "You can't do that!" she says and I silently agree. You can't do that!!! You can't arrive at the theater, claim your territory and leave for a half an hour to do who knows what, without leaving a seat-protector behind!!! They bickered back and forth. Finally the nice woman had to get up (we stand to let her by) and find herself a new seat. I was pissed! And to top it off, loser #3 finally arrives (we stand again) to claim his prized seat. The movie starts. You'd think I'd be over it. Until Man #1 has to go to the bathroom. Stand up to let him out, stand to let him back in. Man #2 then, about 1/2 an hour later has to go. Stand up to let him out, stand to let him back in. You get the idea.

My point is this: these people do not belong in the theaters. If you don't know how to save seats and have a bladder the size of a peanut yet still insist on buying the biggest bladder-busting size of soda that you possibly can, STAY HOME!!!!!!! If you kick seats, or can't stop talking or have a terrible cold or can't find a babysitter, STAY HOME!!!!!! It will be out on video soon enough.