Mama Told Me There'd Be Days...
Marriage is not easy. It is not the end-all, be-all. It is not always easy to give into "til death do us part", especially when you are seething with anger at something your spouse has done. It is not easy to hold your tongue and not say nasty things to the person you love, or to threaten to end it all, right now when you feel wronged. It is not easy to not doubt your decisions, or wonder whether it's meant to be.
Marriage might be harder than dating. The reason being that marriage, at least to me, is supposed to be it. Forever. Til death. When our spouse upsets us in a way that surprises, the eternity of the situation seems overwhelming. Like "I have to live like this forever!?" Then the other side of the coin, walking away seems just as overwhelming. It's being stuck between two vast seas, standing on a cold, lonely, floating piece of ice. The best way to deal, I found out, is to stay on that piece of ice and float with it. Eventually you'll bump into your significant other, floating alone, waiting to bump back into you. (Isn't it penguins that mate for life? So perhaps not such a silly analogy after all.)
Marriage might be harder than dating. The reason being that marriage, at least to me, is supposed to be it. Forever. Til death. When our spouse upsets us in a way that surprises, the eternity of the situation seems overwhelming. Like "I have to live like this forever!?" Then the other side of the coin, walking away seems just as overwhelming. It's being stuck between two vast seas, standing on a cold, lonely, floating piece of ice. The best way to deal, I found out, is to stay on that piece of ice and float with it. Eventually you'll bump into your significant other, floating alone, waiting to bump back into you. (Isn't it penguins that mate for life? So perhaps not such a silly analogy after all.)
posted by Tracy at 11:36 AM
2 Comments:
For some couples, marriage just works. I'm not sure what the magic recipe is, but it does. My grandparents were a great example, wedded bliss for something like 55 years.
Even my own parents are somehow still together after a few decades although they seem to disagree constantly, and each harbors a slight hatred and distrust for the other.
And for some people, it's easier and less scary to be in an unhappy relationship rather than the prospect of being alone. (I'm referring to myself, not implying anything about you.)
Marriage isn't always a smooth even path. For me it just got so rocky and unpleasant that being on my own didn't look quite as scary anymore.
It's all about deciding what you want out of life, and what it will take for you to be happy. My only advice is to not be rash with your decisions, think through things fully and let some time pass.
Things a person says or does in the heat of the moment usually end up being regrets shortly thereafter.
Sorry, I'm having a "deep thoughts" kinda day.
I could tell. Jeez. But very true statements, all of them.
The point of my blog entry was to say that marriage is work and not always the blissful state that some of us idealize it to be.
I want to be married to my hubby forever. My perspective (and this could change over time, I know) is that we have to live and learn... learn how to deal with one another when situations arise that in the past could be solved easily by breaking up. Since neither of see that as an option, we have to learn new skills to deal with such issues.
As my friend, Does Debbie, has recently said, it's changing our behavior that is the hard part. The way we react, the things we say, the things we've learned to do from our parents, etc. It's hard to change those behavior patterns but it's all about awareness and working towards change. And being honest with the person you're with. Sometimes things just don't work out. Other times, hopefully, they do.
Post a Comment
<< Home