Ahh, Sweet Sleep is Still Mine
Thinking you might be pregnant is a very bizarre time in a woman's life. I have thought that I was a few times in my past, but never with the hubby. Until this past month. And for the first time, I was hoping that I actually was. But to this day, I can say that I have never been pregnant. Only thought I was, and sometimes that may be enough.
Firstly, I researched every last article I could hoping to find out the REAL symptoms of early pregnancy. I had been feeling nauseous and hungry as I have ever been. Bloated, check. Irritable, double check. Tired... hmm, sometimes. So, check. I bought pregnancy tests (I'm embarrassed to say, I used three!) ignoring the warnings that the pregnancy hormone cannot be detected immediately and best results would mean waiting another week. Screw that, I thought... if I'm pregnant, the test will show it. But when it didn't, I fell back on the disclaimer. "It's too early to tell," I would explain to my husband. I examined my boobs daily, looking for a sign. Slightly sore, but nothing out of the ordinary. But my waistline, the fact that nothing fit, must account for something! So, basically, I distracted myself and researched and thought about what I was feeling until I realized it was all just a bad case of PMS.
And to be honest, I really didn't care. I am not the type of person who is looking forward to the actual pregnancy part of life. I just want a kid. Preferably, a 2-year old. Infancy scares me. I don't want to get fat. I don't want to hear advice from every other woman on the face of the earth who has ever had a child. I don't want people to tell us what not to name the child, because "I knew a Melinda, and she was an alcoholic who stole my boyfriend." I don't want to be told what we need to do within this time fram, or people touching my belly without asking. I don't want to buy maternity clothes or watch my ankles swell. Gosh, I can go on and on about why I am not looking forward to being pregnant. Yet I still want children. (See how selfish I am?!). So I will suck it up and go through the 9 months of crazy changes and questions and wondering because I know the reward will outweigh the above.
I do have to say, though, this extra month of freedom from all of that is actually a small gift. But in another few months, if I'm still not pregnant, don't judge me when I have a completely different view. As a woman, it's my right to change my mind as often and whenever I want. It comes with having a uterus.
Firstly, I researched every last article I could hoping to find out the REAL symptoms of early pregnancy. I had been feeling nauseous and hungry as I have ever been. Bloated, check. Irritable, double check. Tired... hmm, sometimes. So, check. I bought pregnancy tests (I'm embarrassed to say, I used three!) ignoring the warnings that the pregnancy hormone cannot be detected immediately and best results would mean waiting another week. Screw that, I thought... if I'm pregnant, the test will show it. But when it didn't, I fell back on the disclaimer. "It's too early to tell," I would explain to my husband. I examined my boobs daily, looking for a sign. Slightly sore, but nothing out of the ordinary. But my waistline, the fact that nothing fit, must account for something! So, basically, I distracted myself and researched and thought about what I was feeling until I realized it was all just a bad case of PMS.
And to be honest, I really didn't care. I am not the type of person who is looking forward to the actual pregnancy part of life. I just want a kid. Preferably, a 2-year old. Infancy scares me. I don't want to get fat. I don't want to hear advice from every other woman on the face of the earth who has ever had a child. I don't want people to tell us what not to name the child, because "I knew a Melinda, and she was an alcoholic who stole my boyfriend." I don't want to be told what we need to do within this time fram, or people touching my belly without asking. I don't want to buy maternity clothes or watch my ankles swell. Gosh, I can go on and on about why I am not looking forward to being pregnant. Yet I still want children. (See how selfish I am?!). So I will suck it up and go through the 9 months of crazy changes and questions and wondering because I know the reward will outweigh the above.
I do have to say, though, this extra month of freedom from all of that is actually a small gift. But in another few months, if I'm still not pregnant, don't judge me when I have a completely different view. As a woman, it's my right to change my mind as often and whenever I want. It comes with having a uterus.
posted by Tracy at 11:52 AM
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