You Smell Good

Can you remember all of the put-downs you've received in your lifetime? Those small sentiments, sometimes without offense meant but taken nonetheless, that stick with you, nagging, in the back of your mind? I surely can.

I recall vividly being told by a girl I barely knew in high school, while standing at the door, awaiting the bell to ring, that my lips were so "weird... Your top one is SOOO small, and the bottom one is SOOO big". My retaliation was "So?" I mean, what was I to say? And little did she know, that big lips would someday be a thing people coveted, going so far as to inject a foreign substance into them for the perfect plumpness.

Another such comment was made by my sister, back when we were little and trying to hone our singing and dancing skills. Ashley and Jessica we were not, but we liked to try and outdo each other with our stylings. I was dancing, thinking I really had something going and she dissed me, telling me that all I do is "shake my butt". We come from a family not known for their dance moves. Or rather known, but not in a good way. I thought I was breaking the mold. I didn't dance again after that for a long time. (That sentence makes me laugh. It reminds me of Footloose.... "until one day I had to cut loose, footloose...") And still, to this day, I will find myself in the middle of a dance, feeling self-conscious, knowing that my rhythm has gone astray and trying desperately to regroup.

Once, I was told I was ugly. It was during the summer, where we spent many weekends at the shore, on a campground. We were the regulars, along with a bunch of other people, so we were there every weekend, the young kids running around together. The excitement came when there were some people there just for the weekend, as long as they had kids our age. One such weekend, a bunch of guys arrived. They were there to drink and have a good time. They were not much older than us and they were good looking. I couldn't believe that the cutest of the bunch liked me and we ended up kissing. I wasn't the only one who had shared a kiss with one of those guys, but I was thrilled and I remember after that we would walk by their campsite often, hoping to hang out some more. Finally one of my male friends, who had spent time drinking with those guys, told me that the whole thing was a bet. They had a bet to see who could kiss the skinniest/fattest/prettiest/ugliest girl while there. According to them, I was the ugliest. I remember being devastated, but not even surprised. And then I was angry. I might have been unattractive on the outside, but their inner ugliness showed through and I knew that was worse. At that same camp, and old geezer who wore a yellow Speedo and would bend over showing the world, and us, young kids, what his mama gave him (he would also wear goggles while "doing laps" and miraculously would always be under water facing the diving board whenever one of us jumped in) one day called my sister "homely". We were young and she didn't know what it meant. She went home and asked my dad. Needless to say, my father had a little talking to to that old pervert and scared him enough to leave us alone after that. She still brings that up, that she was called homely, but that ugly man.

Yet, after all of this, I'm sure I have offended people directly myself through all the years of my life. I have to remember that every action has an equal and opposite reaction. You hurt somebody, it hurts them, and perhaps they go on to hurt someone else, to make themselves feel a little bit better. We have to try and do the same thing, but with compliments. Today, I was told that I smelled good but a guy in the office. I barely know him, and it made me feel happy. Pass it on.