10+ Weeks, and Counting

Not much has changed since my last post. Still feel sick. And exhausted. And headachy. Right now, all I can think about is taking a nap. And I sleep well every night. I barely recall my head hitting the pillow and then my alarm is going off (well, in between pee breaks, which are a blur). Sex is non-existent. I have my first real doctor's appointment on Monday. We'll hear the heartbeat. Maybe even see the bean for the first time. That chokes me up. To know it's real, that it exists, is almost too much. Right now, I just feel ill. Almost hung-over. Food cravings are fleeting. Nausea is not. To know that things are progressing the way they should be and that this baby is really happening will be a trip, for sure. I hope everything goes okay. I still don't feel attached yet to this thing that makes me sick. Eric talks to the belly daily, but it still looks like my belly, albeit during PMS. I rub it a lot but that's because it feels yucky. Things really haven't sunk in, I guess.

I was with an infant this weekend. My sister's baby boy. And I thought "wow, this is easier than ever before!" Usually, I am afraid of newborn babies. They seem so fragile and I'm afraid to drop them. But this baby just laid on me so perfectly, that fear evaporated. It helped that he is SUCH a great baby. Barely cries. Just sleeps and eats. But I felt competent and that felt really good. Like I might just be able to handle what is to come.