Baby on Board

I'm still new to this. I don't feel like a mother all the time, though sometimes, after I've fed, bathed and put the little girl to bed, I do. When I comfort her as she cries, I do. When she reaches for my face with her little pudgy hand, I do. Those are the moments that I love. Then there are the moments that I do not love. The times when I am in a very busy deli, waiting to order a sandwich and she awakes, though she has barely napped, and starts screaming like a banshee. She cannot be soothed and just wants out of the stroller. Or when we're driving and she starts screaming, wanting out of the car seat. Or when she wakes up at 3 in the morning, wanting a bottle even though she shouldn't be hungry at that time. Or when she has an unidentifiable rash, or a stomach bug and I don't know what to do to help and I worry that it's something far worse than what it really is. Those are the moments when I think "what the hell was I thinking???"

I really want to take a trip, but I dread the idea of being on a plane, stuck with her sitting on my lap, knowing full well that she doesn't like to sit anywhere for very long. She's not old enough to enjoy a DVD or to sit and play with toys, quietly. She's not old enough to enjoy our destination or to remember it, even, once we've returned. The trip I want to take is not for her, but I would want to take her along regardless. I just wish I could sit on a plane or on a tour bus or a scenic boat ride with her. She will not sit, not for me and not for long. I will end up being the person that everyone around me hates. The one with the screaming baby, who disrupts your travel experience.

But if I HAD to do it, it would end up being done, right? If I had a sick relative to visit in, say, Peru, we would make the trip despite the inconvenience. It would have to be done, and we would survive it. So I have to bite the bullet and make a plan to travel with the baby girl in tow (along with the one million things that she will need while we are away!) and alleviate my fear of doing so. Perhaps we'll start close, with a trip to someplace like Miami, say, and then if that goes well we'll get more ambitious and head overseas. With a portable DVD player in hand so at least we'll be able to block out the annoying sound of our baby crying.