10+ Weeks, and Counting

Not much has changed since my last post. Still feel sick. And exhausted. And headachy. Right now, all I can think about is taking a nap. And I sleep well every night. I barely recall my head hitting the pillow and then my alarm is going off (well, in between pee breaks, which are a blur). Sex is non-existent. I have my first real doctor's appointment on Monday. We'll hear the heartbeat. Maybe even see the bean for the first time. That chokes me up. To know it's real, that it exists, is almost too much. Right now, I just feel ill. Almost hung-over. Food cravings are fleeting. Nausea is not. To know that things are progressing the way they should be and that this baby is really happening will be a trip, for sure. I hope everything goes okay. I still don't feel attached yet to this thing that makes me sick. Eric talks to the belly daily, but it still looks like my belly, albeit during PMS. I rub it a lot but that's because it feels yucky. Things really haven't sunk in, I guess.

I was with an infant this weekend. My sister's baby boy. And I thought "wow, this is easier than ever before!" Usually, I am afraid of newborn babies. They seem so fragile and I'm afraid to drop them. But this baby just laid on me so perfectly, that fear evaporated. It helped that he is SUCH a great baby. Barely cries. Just sleeps and eats. But I felt competent and that felt really good. Like I might just be able to handle what is to come.

8 and a Half Weeks

Feeling nauseas. Dry heaving in the shower this morning. Aversion to cooked fish. Exhausted. Pains in my back. Breasts are sore. Unmotivated. Slightly bloated. Anticipating the end of the first trimester. Yes, I'm pregnant. So far it's not as glorious as I had imagined. It's kind of like having a stomach bug. I don't see the effects of it and nobody around me knows yet, so I just feel "blah".

My sister is due to have a C-section tomorrow. I'm anticipating the arrival of my third nephew (1 from her, 1 from my brother, and now this little guy). I can't wait to hold him and see his cute little face. And I still get that same pleasure out of seeing his brother, 2.5 years old and so cute. I love the way he talks and the funny way he dances. They way he says "Mama, no" for EVERYTHING, even when it doesn't make sense. "Mama, no" as he wants his father to throw him up into the air. "Mama, no" as he points to something he wants off the table. Very cute.

I worry that my own child, in my eyes, will be even more adorable and that I won't be able to handle my love for him or her. My friends have assured me that the cuteness factor gets equaled out by the annoying factor. For every cute thing they do, they also scream and cry and need. So hopefully I won't feel so overwhelmed by how wonderful this kid is. Just as I haven't been so overwhelmed by how wonderful this pregnancy is. I will be able to get through life on a daily basis without dying from cuteness.